Some thoughts on women: i.e. they are great

I mean come on, its just true.
When I look into the shockingly beautiful faces of the women here I just know in my core that it’s true. When I see a thin woman carrying a 50 L Jerrycan of water on her head with a baby on her back and a sack of potatoes at her side I know that strength comes from a different place than muscles. When I listen to my friend talk about how, after being impregnated by her teacher in her first year of high school, she never wants to marry but rather to continue raise her child herself and her sister and get a job in business, all the while smiling and laughing, I know that joy can come from a place other than your circumstances. Women are the embodiment of paradoxes, of strength and joy and sadness and passion and exhaustion all mingling together in an encasement of beauty.
Rwandan women are amazing. In the village, they literally do everything. They cook, clean, farm, bear, birth and raise children, they run informal businesses, and see their children through school. They are amazing.
Rwanda, like many developing countries (and developed ones too) has a long history of unequal gender roles. Girls education, women’s involvement in politics, in formal business and as leaders with a voice are all still fairly new ideas. These ideas take time to reach out to the village where old habits, customs and cultures die hard and men are reluctant to relinquish their power.
This can be hard to watch at times. Especially because oftentimes Rwandans don’t see it. The government talks about gender equality a lot and so many people just assume that now they have it. They see girls in school (though fewer than boys with lower scores on average) and women on TV or the radio and assume there is equality. But even though there is great progress being made there are still some frustratingly entrenched ideas persisting here. For example a girl is not a woman until she is married while there is a special word for young man and also a boy can become a man by virtue of age while a girl’s womanhood is directly connected to her husband. People here call Joe my boss, which is completely normal. Many of my friends call their husbands “Boss.” Also, women are often called upon to be the servants at people’s parties so that the men never have to get up but can have a woman continually refill their beer. I really don’t mean to sound accusatory but rather am trying to paint a picture for you.
And yet women don’t seem to be emotionally oppressed by this situation. They are resilient and often seem to accept that this is just the way things are, not desiring or seeking change. I rounded a bend in the path through the banana trees on a run the other day and was faced with a beautiful picture of sisterhood as 5 or 6 women of ages ranging from 12 -60 walked towards me with their arms around each other, hoes on their heads and at least 4 different kinds of fabric on each of them. It was such an image of beauty and vibrance it took my breath away. The great strength and resilience of women, however, does not justify the injustice.
Needless to say, things need to change. And things are changing, just very very slowly. The tricky thing about change is that you can’t just run out in front of a man sitting and drinking beer while his wife cleans, cooks, cares for kids and refills his cup and wave your arms to say STOP STOP! ARE YOU CRAZY!? Things have to CHANGE! No. And when I am asked to be the servant for a party of priests and prominent men and women in my town I can’t stick my chin out and say you can’t make me just because I am a girl in your eyes! You have to be patient, ask pointed questions, draw people’s attention to the inconsistencies and injustices. You can’t tell people they are wrong to their face. You have to help them see that and come to their own conclusions. And my gosh is that hard to do. But if you make people angry and defensive the change will not be positive.
In the name of change,
In the name of women everywhere,

cg