Christ's life

i was thinking about this concept of "it is no longer i who lives but Christ in me." What a tremendous difference....me living and then Christ living. i think i have a long way to go before i truly understand and live in that truth but there are certainly striking evidences of that in my life now. for example-this week end i just did not spend the time with the Lord that i personally need for basic functionality and it was so evident. i was easily frustrated, tired, stressed and pessimistic about the outcome of several events/programs i am working on. I had to step back last night and deconstruct my behavior until i realized that whoa this was all in direct corralation to the fact that i was not full...i had not drunk from the well of everlasting life-for two days!! thats all it took for me to fall into the trap of self, schedules, and success. what a struggle i am. i totally evaluate my worth according to how much, and how well i DO. its quite pathetic really...if i feel i have not accomplished the things i wanted to in a day i literally start to beleive the lie that i am nothing...not in the freeing Christ-loves-me-and-will-use-me-in-my-brokenness kind of way but in the self pity, self (loathing is too strong) disliking kind of way. i definately need to be free of that if i am to be fully Christs servant and soldier. This quote has been tremendously meaningful to me lately: "We mostly spend our lives conjugating three verbs: to Want, to Have, and to DO. Craving, clutching, and fussing, on the material, political, social. emotional,intellectual-even spiritual-plan, we are kept in perpetual unrest: forgetting that none of these verbs have any ultimate significance, except so far as they are transcended by and included in the fundamental verb, to Be: and that Being, not wanting, having and doing, is the essence of a spiritual life." Evelyn Underhill especially cocnsidering that God's real name is I AM it makes sense that we are closest to him-perhaps even ONLY close to him when we are BEING-allowing actions to flow from the BEING rather than the DOING to define the BEING.

in other news...this week flew by-like whoa. its hard to believe that i have been here nearly a month. we started working on our play this week and that has been a LOT of fun...the kids now all officially think i am crazy because i yell (not AT them- just in general), and do their lines with more flare than...well than i dont know what. haha they were sooooo pumped at first but the enthusiasm has waned a bit as they have begun to realize how  much work this is going to be. the play is called "The Rabbit and the Well."  its super cute-an african folk tale. we also started choreographing a dance for the talent competition that is going to be happening on November 8th. i dont know if i mentioned this before but i am trying to put together a talent competition between all the children's homes in the area. there are five homes currently planning on participating in the four categories of: Song/Dance, Poetry, Debate and Drama. its hopefully going to be a great thing for unifying the children's homes, developing a sense of ownership over the homes for the kids and building and affirming the kids in their unique giftednesses. 

The other major project is the Youth Symposium with Career Fair, Identity Finder activities, hot topic discussion and art exibition. i would REALLY appreciate prayer on that. its coming up sooner than i can beleive on Oct. 25. there is SOOOO much to do between now and then it blows my mind and makes me stressed out.

it has been an incredible week in terms of community. i feel i have really started to develop close friendships with the people who live at the house-especially Brioni. She's a passionate australian and just such a remarkable woman of God. also i feel i have started to finally break through in starting to form real friendships with the older girls-not just you know surfaceyness. well i am growing weary of typing and i can only assume that you have to be more than weary of reading so i shall spare us both and stop here. 

to God be the glory for ever and ever...

shalom and chocolate kisses